Feb 23, 2023·edited Feb 23, 2023Liked by Donald Jeffries
As a teacher of foreign language at the high school level for many years who had students for up to four years straight, I have been forced to witness this sad transformation in our society. Dating barely exists anymore and it’s form and function are warped beyond recognition. Few young people have any understanding of normal dating– as it was intended to be originally. Even if they do have an understanding of what dating is and what it’s supposed to accomplish, they cannot find a like-minded person to date. The young men, particularly white men, are lost when it comes to dating and socialization. So many of them do not have fathers at home to teach them by word or example how to court young ladies. They do not have fathers at home who encourage them with the old familiar saying that there are “other fish in the sea” when they are rejected by a certain young woman and that this is part of a normal elimination process that one goes through to find a willing mate. They, therefore, do not have the confidence and bearing to initiate dating and they do not have the intact self-esteem that they need when their advances are rejected and they are left to deal with disappointment. So we see that having a dad at home is a very important factor in successful dating for our young men. The sad part is that he is often, very often, not there.
I began teaching in the 80s when things were normal but through the years I began to see that male and female relationships were now mutated and weird which coincided with two things. The first, as I mentioned, was the increasing absence of the father from the home and the second was the hypersexualization of courtship. Rather than being based on enjoying conversation and getting to know the personality of the other person, the dating relationship began to be about pure sexual attraction and initiating sexual relations before people even really knew one another. This meant, of course, that the physically attractive began to be more valued and those who were less attractive were cast aside. After all, sexual fantasies are not built on having sex with unattractive people. It seems everyone wants a Brad Pitt or a Tom Cruise.
When young women have a father at home, they begin to look for someone very much like him. I had a student once who told me that she wanted to marry a balding man because she loved her father and thought he looked adorable that way! Average dads at home mean that average guys have a chance.
If you could see the hopelessness that young men and women feel today, you would feel the same heaviness and sorrow that I do. None of this is their fault. It has been done to them by their parents’ and grandparents’ generations that slowly but surely carved out a truly weird existence for them.
Allow me to add that the term “incel” absolutely infuriates and horrifies me. The term is spoken with such scorn about those who have been captured and driven to despair by a world that has been created for them! These despairing young people who cannot find a mate now must also live their lives knowing that the so-called experts have put them into this very sad category with its own special label. If it were up to me, this word would be stricken from all texts and never be used again. My heart truly hurts for these young people.
As a fellow teacher/tutor, JJ, I see a similar thing in the schools I work in. However, on a more positive note, I also notice that the same boys and girls who are so confused about relationships within the school buildings seem to adopt different personas when they are free from the hive-like atmosphere that is the modern educational establishment. I live by the route to the nearest school and often see the same young couples arm-in-arm. There's still hope despite what the psychopaths wish for!
I'd like to add that in addition to what you've said above JJ, I believe that both the alienation that older people feel and the social confusion and divided families are all, I believe, engineered. I feel that the American society of the 50's-60's was too strong to conquer for those seeking a Global New World Order. They needed to break families apart, break down the societal bonds that made America such a beacon to the world. This dystopian "great reset" isn't a recent idea. It goes back to the warped dreams of those who launched the Technocracy movements of the early 20th century. Descendants of those early totalitarian bean counters are ramming through the 4th industrial revolution, the climate apocalypse and other UN plots. Bill Gates (Mr Depopulation), Elon Musk, grandson of the a man who was expelled from Canada for trying to over though the government and install a technocracy. The money and the thought that's gone into this great plot to topple America and enable it to be subsumed into the Global Digital Panopticon Prison they are creating. Just watch the movie "Ready Player One", study how the characters live. Alone, connected to this digital realm that is the ultimate pacification system. Perhaps I'm reading too much into this but I'm seeing too many coincidences, too many repeating patterns here. I feel it's all connected.
i too thank you for your insight and summary, jj, it was (dare i say it?) DYN-O-MITE !
8^)
i won't get too personal here, but while i generally pay no attention to Utoob personalities, 'social influencers', etc, i stumbled upon this young lady (emily king) who gives GREAT insight into male/female relationships...
i would make her vids required viewing for the -*ahem*- fairer sex...
I love this article. This is a problem I’ve been dealing with my whole life (27) I think, (or at least since 6th grade) I’m saving this to read again.
I decided shortly after you released this article to join a church and attend an orthodox and a nondenominational as you mentioned. My goal is to learn more about the Bible and Christianity and to make some friendships I hope. I’ve met a awesome family with a 7th kid on the way. Love them so much. 😅
I know everyone feels this loneliness - men and woman - so i want to make it a goal to try and create friendships with both. With women it’s pretty hard because anytime you try and make eye contact with a girl or woman or even converse there’s the sense they “need to get away he just wants sex.”
It's great that you found this, Gregory. Tim Kelly and I have done many interviews over the year- he's an important voice in alternative media. I hear from so many young people like you. It's shocking how much things have changed since I was your age. I'm glad you found a nice family, and wish you the very best. Thanks!
Gregory: When I was your age I was already married and had a three-year-old and infant as children. I've found that women care more about the bulge in your back pocket of your pants vs. the bulge in the front of them.
Since my husband was murdered by Covid Protocol I am all alone except for my dog. My friends are dead and I only have “1 way” acquaintances, I call them but they don’t ever call or visit me. My son who lives 3 miles away calls me, if I’m lucky, once every 6 weeks and never visits. My grandkids who live 2-4 miles away never visit and only I texts me Hello every 6-8 weeks which is more than anyone else. I’m never invited to their homes except when they want me to bring presents for the great grand kids birthdays. It was the same way before my husband died. He used to say we’d be fossilized remains before we were discovered dead. It’s a lonely life and a sad state our country is in. I’ll be glad when I’m dead.
Nancy, I'm so sorry to hear that. You seem to have a great attitude in spite of it. I guess it's some solace in knowing your situation is tragically common in this dysfunctional society. Thanks for sharing.
Nancy do you get out for walks? Go for a tea somewhere? I’m afraid families don’t get together like they used to. My son never calls me, but I still call him. I try to send him things he is interested in like funny memes and stuff to make him laugh. Since my mom died only one sister calls now and then out of 5 siblings. I think it just seemed like families got together all the time because we all lived in the same place.. unless you are Italian then it is a law, lol. If you frequent the same walking track or cafe for a while and smile at people I’m sure you will find someone to talk to. We can’t leave it up to family anymore,…….gotta get out there, get a hobby group, a walking group, a book group. My mom was the same with all her kids. We have to create our own lives.
🩷Don’t say that Nancy. I bet you could make a difference in another lonely person’s life. Did you ever see the movie Fried Green Tomatoes? When I visit my dad in his Independent Living community I enjoy visiting with all the folks there. It’s actually a very happy, vibrant place where I know he is safe. Now an assisted living or full on nursing home may be another story.
Jul 13, 2023·edited Jan 29Liked by Donald Jeffries
Pascal said that we all die alone. We often live alone too. A lot of loneliness is simply part of the human condition. We can be lonely in the midst of a crowd or within our own families.
DJ: I've been alone most of my life. I guess I've gotten used to it. Alexander Selkirk (the original Robinson Crusoe) said that the two plus years he spent alone on that island off of the coast of Chile were the best years of his life.
Family is drama. I avoid family nowadays which is easy to do as all of them live over 1,000 miles away.
Don't get me wrong. I used to love a pint with family and friends in the old days. But those days are gone. The Covid Cult Con Crap killed all of that.
And forget air travel nowadays. Fuck the TSA!
I have my wife but that's it. We rattle around the house together. When one of us goes the other will follow.
It would be great if churches could start acting like they did when Christianity first began. No social clout or political power. But by caring for the sick, feeding the hungry, and visiting the lonely they turned the world upside down.
A lovely and sobering analysis. Yes, for all the hoopla about everyone having fun that the media portrays, loneliness and its concomitant companion, depression, are the hallmarks of our age. I live in Switzerland and things are pretty similar, especially as the proportion of our population that is old is probably growing faster than in the US. We recently looked after my wife's father until he died. I was horrified at people's reactions when we kept him as long as possible in his own apartment and spent a massive amount of time with him to keep loneliness at bay. For most people around us, this was insanity and masochism. Much better to dump him in an old folks' home and be done with it! I wonder if those same people will change their minds when they suddenly find themselves old and alone?
This might be, as a human being, an elder, a mother and lifetime caregiver living alone; the best thing I have EVER read. It so defines the very essence of humanity, seemingly forgotten. The only redemption is that everyone who lives will face this dilemma at the end of their life and the very time when they need love and a hug. It is utterly heartbreaking.
Just stumbled on your post - thank you. There are a lot of older people who are alone because they have inflicted unimaginable cruelty on their offspring. Said offspring get up and walk away saying 'no more.' The older people can often be found moaning on forums about how their 'children never visit them' without a whiff of self-examination.
I am not talking politics or 'covid differences' here but incredible family brutality where one is forced to get up and walk away to preserve one's life and sanity.
I understand what you're saying, Excess. Parents abusing or neglecting their children is part of the unfortunate dysfunctional family dynamic in America. Undoubtedly, some of those lonely oldsters fall into this category. I've known some myself. But most of them don't. And not all the lonely are elderly. Some had no siblings, whose parents won't help them for various reasons related to dysfunction, or their parents are dead. They don't have family that will be there for them. Some are ostracized from their siblings, again for typically modern reasons, which are often incomprehensible to outsiders. Thanks.
"Polls tell us that 27 percent of Americans aged 60 or older live by themselves, more than anywhere else in the world."
It may not be because of some failure or flaw, but simply because we can afford to. Old people like quiet and enjoy solitude as much as socializing. There's nothing wrong with that.
Good point. My sister is one of those- wants to be alone. But I was talking about the untold numbers of older people who are left involuntarily alone, who would love to have some kind of companionship. Thanks.
"Mostly, lonely women are either incredibly eccentric or mentally ill." That may have been the case up to now, but I can help thinking that many of the awful, blue-haired feminists I see around me are going to be very lonely too in later life.
Or women who fall into my category: those with traditional family values who bought into the story that I can have both my career and family too. I spent my twenties after college focused on my career and working a part time job to save for a down payment on a house and doing some traveling. Time passes by and the older I got the harder it was to find a likeminded quality companion. After a couple of long term failed relationships I should have ended earlier since they weren't leading towards marriage, I know find myself single with no kids at 46. It's the biggest regret and pain in my life, I should have focused more on finding a husband when I was younger and focus on the career later in life. Hindsight is now 20/20. For younger career minded ladies I see that's willing to listen, I warn them to find balance in their life and to not end up like me.
15 hrs ago·edited 15 hrs agoLiked by Donald Jeffries
Or women like me (a few are men) who were quirky and awkward as young adults, so we sought psychiatric help to normalize us and wound up truly crazy. We did this at the urging of traditional family, friends and churches. "God gave us medical science for a reason. Nice to know they figured out a way to treat those brain diseases."
I'm able to think clearly after tapering my way off the drugs in my forties. The only support I received was online or over the phone. Still horribly sick from my messed up gut and immune system. Isolated and forced to live with my parents who pressured me to stay on the drugs and seemed almost happy to see me pigeonholed with a diagnosis so I could never have my own adult life.
Modern mental health was just a dress rehearsal for Covid-19. The real reason they closed the asylums was to try out the new model of coercive care. (Financial and social support depend on compliance with the all-powerful medical system. And they do their best to cut you off from "normal" friends or any means of self-support. Especially once the long-term iatrogenic damage kicks in.) They really do not want the "mentally ill" to have gainful employment or families. Both wages and marriage are penalized by immediately cutting off the funds you depend on. And the funds have always been kept so tiny that the recipients are forced to live in the subsidized housing they provide. They own you even without the walls of an asylum.
Kicking people out of the asylums did not undo the trauma of what they experienced there, a lack of any work history or the damage of those treatments they were subjected to. Even ordinary prisoners have an easier time after being released.
Thank God for my parents. They aren't perfect but I don't know what I will do when the clot shots take full effect.
I appreciate you sharing your own personal history here, RE. Having dealt with the mental health industry while advocating for my brother and my niece, I understand all too well just how bad it is. I like the way you point out that emptying the mental health facilities didn't undue what was done to people there. As a society, we've always been intolerant of personality differences, which are labeled "odd" or "weird," unless one is wealthy enough to be merely "eccentric." Now, with the transgender lunacy, we're seeing that some "crazy" differences are not only tolerated, but celebrated by society. Thanks!
Yes well it depends if they learn their independence. If they help with granny and mother and auntie when they got older, then I suppose they would expect someone to help with them in the future. It doesn’t work that way anymore. Men and women. You have to be as interesting at 70 as you were at 20 years. Even couples have to revamp their interests. Find something new to do. I believe one should never depend on another for life interest. Get moving. Especially now. So many seniors groups, art groups, walking and reading groups. When us boomers are gone there won’t be many seniors left to make groups. I find my kids want me to practically raise their kids when I’m around. No thanks, been there done that! See ya. I got interested in learning real cooking too. Proper cooking of meat. Gotta learn how to skate all over again 😳that’s fun,…..not. Make your own reality
thanks so much for your kind words done so well...
as it turns out, a somewhat happier outcome with my siblings, in that i realized family was way more important than my hurt feelings, etc... so i apologized to them for my hurting them (with truth ?), and they accepted my apology and we are on good -if superficial- terms again...
they can't take talking about LOTS of things which upset them too deeply (uh, which might be a sign right there, sisters), but if that is how they have to deal with it, then that's how i have to deal with them...
i strive to stay on the Beauty Path even if they do not...
It is a sad, sad reality. I'm an introvert and see the danger of fully embracing my "alone time" too eagerly in a world that is now heavily tilted against regular social engagement. The risks of real loneliness, even for those who generally enjoy a quiet life, are much higher now. As with most issues that plague us, the spiritual demise of our culture, with its increasingly impoverished values, is at the center. I enjoy your articles--they express the reality of our human experience (both good and bad) in a broken world.
As a teacher of foreign language at the high school level for many years who had students for up to four years straight, I have been forced to witness this sad transformation in our society. Dating barely exists anymore and it’s form and function are warped beyond recognition. Few young people have any understanding of normal dating– as it was intended to be originally. Even if they do have an understanding of what dating is and what it’s supposed to accomplish, they cannot find a like-minded person to date. The young men, particularly white men, are lost when it comes to dating and socialization. So many of them do not have fathers at home to teach them by word or example how to court young ladies. They do not have fathers at home who encourage them with the old familiar saying that there are “other fish in the sea” when they are rejected by a certain young woman and that this is part of a normal elimination process that one goes through to find a willing mate. They, therefore, do not have the confidence and bearing to initiate dating and they do not have the intact self-esteem that they need when their advances are rejected and they are left to deal with disappointment. So we see that having a dad at home is a very important factor in successful dating for our young men. The sad part is that he is often, very often, not there.
I began teaching in the 80s when things were normal but through the years I began to see that male and female relationships were now mutated and weird which coincided with two things. The first, as I mentioned, was the increasing absence of the father from the home and the second was the hypersexualization of courtship. Rather than being based on enjoying conversation and getting to know the personality of the other person, the dating relationship began to be about pure sexual attraction and initiating sexual relations before people even really knew one another. This meant, of course, that the physically attractive began to be more valued and those who were less attractive were cast aside. After all, sexual fantasies are not built on having sex with unattractive people. It seems everyone wants a Brad Pitt or a Tom Cruise.
When young women have a father at home, they begin to look for someone very much like him. I had a student once who told me that she wanted to marry a balding man because she loved her father and thought he looked adorable that way! Average dads at home mean that average guys have a chance.
If you could see the hopelessness that young men and women feel today, you would feel the same heaviness and sorrow that I do. None of this is their fault. It has been done to them by their parents’ and grandparents’ generations that slowly but surely carved out a truly weird existence for them.
Allow me to add that the term “incel” absolutely infuriates and horrifies me. The term is spoken with such scorn about those who have been captured and driven to despair by a world that has been created for them! These despairing young people who cannot find a mate now must also live their lives knowing that the so-called experts have put them into this very sad category with its own special label. If it were up to me, this word would be stricken from all texts and never be used again. My heart truly hurts for these young people.
This is a beautifully written comment that I hope everyone reads, JJ. Insightful and very much appreciated. Thanks!
As a fellow teacher/tutor, JJ, I see a similar thing in the schools I work in. However, on a more positive note, I also notice that the same boys and girls who are so confused about relationships within the school buildings seem to adopt different personas when they are free from the hive-like atmosphere that is the modern educational establishment. I live by the route to the nearest school and often see the same young couples arm-in-arm. There's still hope despite what the psychopaths wish for!
Steghorn21: Young hormones are stronger than granite.
I'd like to add that in addition to what you've said above JJ, I believe that both the alienation that older people feel and the social confusion and divided families are all, I believe, engineered. I feel that the American society of the 50's-60's was too strong to conquer for those seeking a Global New World Order. They needed to break families apart, break down the societal bonds that made America such a beacon to the world. This dystopian "great reset" isn't a recent idea. It goes back to the warped dreams of those who launched the Technocracy movements of the early 20th century. Descendants of those early totalitarian bean counters are ramming through the 4th industrial revolution, the climate apocalypse and other UN plots. Bill Gates (Mr Depopulation), Elon Musk, grandson of the a man who was expelled from Canada for trying to over though the government and install a technocracy. The money and the thought that's gone into this great plot to topple America and enable it to be subsumed into the Global Digital Panopticon Prison they are creating. Just watch the movie "Ready Player One", study how the characters live. Alone, connected to this digital realm that is the ultimate pacification system. Perhaps I'm reading too much into this but I'm seeing too many coincidences, too many repeating patterns here. I feel it's all connected.
i too thank you for your insight and summary, jj, it was (dare i say it?) DYN-O-MITE !
8^)
i won't get too personal here, but while i generally pay no attention to Utoob personalities, 'social influencers', etc, i stumbled upon this young lady (emily king) who gives GREAT insight into male/female relationships...
i would make her vids required viewing for the -*ahem*- fairer sex...
.
my appreciation of her :
.
social influencers not my style
a few clever ones do make me smile
but one i think has some sharp insights
could avoid a lot of couple’s fights
.
makes good points on battle of sexes
if we listened there’d be less exes
her name is emily w king
relationship wisdom she does bring
.
she thinks women take men for granted
and their social contract is slanted
she talks of how much men sacrifice
to try and make their mate’s life be nice
.
shows clips how good men unfairly scorned
relationship killer as she’s warned
for her good sense and insight that’s keen
this king is my relationship queen
.
The Worlds Most Dangerous Poet
I will have to look her up, art. Might be a good guest for my podcast. Thanks!
uh oh...
he's a pod person !
that's barely a step above instaho in the online lifeform hierarchy !
just a couple webcams away from starting an OnlyFans account...
shake that moneymaker !
8^)
The love of many will grow cold as wickedness abounds.
Our interesting times is how I got here.
I love this article. This is a problem I’ve been dealing with my whole life (27) I think, (or at least since 6th grade) I’m saving this to read again.
I decided shortly after you released this article to join a church and attend an orthodox and a nondenominational as you mentioned. My goal is to learn more about the Bible and Christianity and to make some friendships I hope. I’ve met a awesome family with a 7th kid on the way. Love them so much. 😅
I know everyone feels this loneliness - men and woman - so i want to make it a goal to try and create friendships with both. With women it’s pretty hard because anytime you try and make eye contact with a girl or woman or even converse there’s the sense they “need to get away he just wants sex.”
It's great that you found this, Gregory. Tim Kelly and I have done many interviews over the year- he's an important voice in alternative media. I hear from so many young people like you. It's shocking how much things have changed since I was your age. I'm glad you found a nice family, and wish you the very best. Thanks!
Gregory: When I was your age I was already married and had a three-year-old and infant as children. I've found that women care more about the bulge in your back pocket of your pants vs. the bulge in the front of them.
I wish you luck and happiness.
Since my husband was murdered by Covid Protocol I am all alone except for my dog. My friends are dead and I only have “1 way” acquaintances, I call them but they don’t ever call or visit me. My son who lives 3 miles away calls me, if I’m lucky, once every 6 weeks and never visits. My grandkids who live 2-4 miles away never visit and only I texts me Hello every 6-8 weeks which is more than anyone else. I’m never invited to their homes except when they want me to bring presents for the great grand kids birthdays. It was the same way before my husband died. He used to say we’d be fossilized remains before we were discovered dead. It’s a lonely life and a sad state our country is in. I’ll be glad when I’m dead.
Nancy, I'm so sorry to hear that. You seem to have a great attitude in spite of it. I guess it's some solace in knowing your situation is tragically common in this dysfunctional society. Thanks for sharing.
Nancy do you get out for walks? Go for a tea somewhere? I’m afraid families don’t get together like they used to. My son never calls me, but I still call him. I try to send him things he is interested in like funny memes and stuff to make him laugh. Since my mom died only one sister calls now and then out of 5 siblings. I think it just seemed like families got together all the time because we all lived in the same place.. unless you are Italian then it is a law, lol. If you frequent the same walking track or cafe for a while and smile at people I’m sure you will find someone to talk to. We can’t leave it up to family anymore,…….gotta get out there, get a hobby group, a walking group, a book group. My mom was the same with all her kids. We have to create our own lives.
Hugs.
Thank you
🩷Don’t say that Nancy. I bet you could make a difference in another lonely person’s life. Did you ever see the movie Fried Green Tomatoes? When I visit my dad in his Independent Living community I enjoy visiting with all the folks there. It’s actually a very happy, vibrant place where I know he is safe. Now an assisted living or full on nursing home may be another story.
Pascal said that we all die alone. We often live alone too. A lot of loneliness is simply part of the human condition. We can be lonely in the midst of a crowd or within our own families.
As always insightful and thought provoking! Thank you
DJ: I've been alone most of my life. I guess I've gotten used to it. Alexander Selkirk (the original Robinson Crusoe) said that the two plus years he spent alone on that island off of the coast of Chile were the best years of his life.
Family is drama. I avoid family nowadays which is easy to do as all of them live over 1,000 miles away.
Don't get me wrong. I used to love a pint with family and friends in the old days. But those days are gone. The Covid Cult Con Crap killed all of that.
And forget air travel nowadays. Fuck the TSA!
I have my wife but that's it. We rattle around the house together. When one of us goes the other will follow.
No regrets.
I once had two fine siblings
but we are now estranged
threw their lot in with quislings
when this world was rearranged
ceded thinking to others
went along with false leaders
forgot lessons of mother's
trusted liars and cheaters
did a fuckton of research
found wrong on many levels
but lambs prayed in a fell church
led to slaughter by devils
perhaps I'm lacking some charm
but I only mean the best
tried to warn loved ones of harm
but rejected as a pest
no matter my entreaties
logic fell upon deaf ears
trusted quacks like deities
I'm shunned when I voice my fears
their very blood is broken
their DNA has been changed
result of being woken
by elites who are deranged
I guess I'm a bad brother
my aspie self is lacking
they've made it clear they'd druther
not hear small truths I'm flacking
cry slow motion holocaust
kill the world one at a time
now lament family lost
unfair sentence for my crime
The World's Most Dangerous Poet
I hope you know how many others are in similar situations, art. Thanks for sharing your poem.
It would be great if churches could start acting like they did when Christianity first began. No social clout or political power. But by caring for the sick, feeding the hungry, and visiting the lonely they turned the world upside down.
A lovely and sobering analysis. Yes, for all the hoopla about everyone having fun that the media portrays, loneliness and its concomitant companion, depression, are the hallmarks of our age. I live in Switzerland and things are pretty similar, especially as the proportion of our population that is old is probably growing faster than in the US. We recently looked after my wife's father until he died. I was horrified at people's reactions when we kept him as long as possible in his own apartment and spent a massive amount of time with him to keep loneliness at bay. For most people around us, this was insanity and masochism. Much better to dump him in an old folks' home and be done with it! I wonder if those same people will change their minds when they suddenly find themselves old and alone?
Thanks, Steghorn21!
This might be, as a human being, an elder, a mother and lifetime caregiver living alone; the best thing I have EVER read. It so defines the very essence of humanity, seemingly forgotten. The only redemption is that everyone who lives will face this dilemma at the end of their life and the very time when they need love and a hug. It is utterly heartbreaking.
I can't tell you how much it means to hear such kind words, Vicki. I think it's one of my best, too, which is why I have it pinned. Thank you!
Just stumbled on your post - thank you. There are a lot of older people who are alone because they have inflicted unimaginable cruelty on their offspring. Said offspring get up and walk away saying 'no more.' The older people can often be found moaning on forums about how their 'children never visit them' without a whiff of self-examination.
I am not talking politics or 'covid differences' here but incredible family brutality where one is forced to get up and walk away to preserve one's life and sanity.
Not every 'sweet old person alone' is a saint.
I understand what you're saying, Excess. Parents abusing or neglecting their children is part of the unfortunate dysfunctional family dynamic in America. Undoubtedly, some of those lonely oldsters fall into this category. I've known some myself. But most of them don't. And not all the lonely are elderly. Some had no siblings, whose parents won't help them for various reasons related to dysfunction, or their parents are dead. They don't have family that will be there for them. Some are ostracized from their siblings, again for typically modern reasons, which are often incomprehensible to outsiders. Thanks.
"Polls tell us that 27 percent of Americans aged 60 or older live by themselves, more than anywhere else in the world."
It may not be because of some failure or flaw, but simply because we can afford to. Old people like quiet and enjoy solitude as much as socializing. There's nothing wrong with that.
Good point. My sister is one of those- wants to be alone. But I was talking about the untold numbers of older people who are left involuntarily alone, who would love to have some kind of companionship. Thanks.
"Mostly, lonely women are either incredibly eccentric or mentally ill." That may have been the case up to now, but I can help thinking that many of the awful, blue-haired feminists I see around me are going to be very lonely too in later life.
Or women who fall into my category: those with traditional family values who bought into the story that I can have both my career and family too. I spent my twenties after college focused on my career and working a part time job to save for a down payment on a house and doing some traveling. Time passes by and the older I got the harder it was to find a likeminded quality companion. After a couple of long term failed relationships I should have ended earlier since they weren't leading towards marriage, I know find myself single with no kids at 46. It's the biggest regret and pain in my life, I should have focused more on finding a husband when I was younger and focus on the career later in life. Hindsight is now 20/20. For younger career minded ladies I see that's willing to listen, I warn them to find balance in their life and to not end up like me.
Or women like me (a few are men) who were quirky and awkward as young adults, so we sought psychiatric help to normalize us and wound up truly crazy. We did this at the urging of traditional family, friends and churches. "God gave us medical science for a reason. Nice to know they figured out a way to treat those brain diseases."
I'm able to think clearly after tapering my way off the drugs in my forties. The only support I received was online or over the phone. Still horribly sick from my messed up gut and immune system. Isolated and forced to live with my parents who pressured me to stay on the drugs and seemed almost happy to see me pigeonholed with a diagnosis so I could never have my own adult life.
Modern mental health was just a dress rehearsal for Covid-19. The real reason they closed the asylums was to try out the new model of coercive care. (Financial and social support depend on compliance with the all-powerful medical system. And they do their best to cut you off from "normal" friends or any means of self-support. Especially once the long-term iatrogenic damage kicks in.) They really do not want the "mentally ill" to have gainful employment or families. Both wages and marriage are penalized by immediately cutting off the funds you depend on. And the funds have always been kept so tiny that the recipients are forced to live in the subsidized housing they provide. They own you even without the walls of an asylum.
Kicking people out of the asylums did not undo the trauma of what they experienced there, a lack of any work history or the damage of those treatments they were subjected to. Even ordinary prisoners have an easier time after being released.
Thank God for my parents. They aren't perfect but I don't know what I will do when the clot shots take full effect.
I appreciate you sharing your own personal history here, RE. Having dealt with the mental health industry while advocating for my brother and my niece, I understand all too well just how bad it is. I like the way you point out that emptying the mental health facilities didn't undue what was done to people there. As a society, we've always been intolerant of personality differences, which are labeled "odd" or "weird," unless one is wealthy enough to be merely "eccentric." Now, with the transgender lunacy, we're seeing that some "crazy" differences are not only tolerated, but celebrated by society. Thanks!
Just leaving a comment in support and solidarity.
Or religious and unwilling to marry men who are not.
Lol. Certainly true. Thanks!
Steghorn21: They buy dogs.
They ARE dogs.
Steghorn21: I have to admit that many of the women and their dogs look very similar.
Ha! Well in the interests of sex equality, I have to admit that I look quite similar to my poodle, according to my friends! :)
Wouldn't they fall into one or both of the aforementioned categories?
Yes well it depends if they learn their independence. If they help with granny and mother and auntie when they got older, then I suppose they would expect someone to help with them in the future. It doesn’t work that way anymore. Men and women. You have to be as interesting at 70 as you were at 20 years. Even couples have to revamp their interests. Find something new to do. I believe one should never depend on another for life interest. Get moving. Especially now. So many seniors groups, art groups, walking and reading groups. When us boomers are gone there won’t be many seniors left to make groups. I find my kids want me to practically raise their kids when I’m around. No thanks, been there done that! See ya. I got interested in learning real cooking too. Proper cooking of meat. Gotta learn how to skate all over again 😳that’s fun,…..not. Make your own reality
turns out i'm the bad guy
i did not know
unsure why i still try
the truth i show
i'm a pain in the ass
won't stop squawking
i'm contrary and crass
non-stop mocking
things i say disturb you
refuse to see
still i must perturb you
try to be free
what is most upsetting
just won't listen
then you are not getting
true facts missing
lead a horse to water
but they won't drink
as events get hotter
still they won't think
now i'm a pariah
lone heretic
even thought a liar
though prophetic
what i say is not wrong
yet rejected
been ignored all along
unselected
this jester's been in vain
pathetic fool
unheard is his refrain
an unused tool
and now our hope is lost
so many fall
slow motion holocaust
will claim us all
The Worlds Most Dangerous Poet
Glad to have the World's Most Dangerous Poet here, art. Thanks!
Wow !! You are so talented !
Love the deep thought
And the way that you fought
Your effort not in vain
To spare your siblings all this pain
And if they can never really see
You’ve tried and tries so eloquently a line to save them from drowning
Ignored and ridiculed shouldn’t leave you frowning
Because at the end of the day
You know in your heart
That you warned all you could
And they gave a fart
“You can do whatever you want””
My dad always said
“But the consequences are yours”
And these leave you dead .
So you are who you are
Should be loved just the same
Cause your courage , fight , perseverance goes by one name .
Truth.
WOW!
thanks so much for your kind words done so well...
as it turns out, a somewhat happier outcome with my siblings, in that i realized family was way more important than my hurt feelings, etc... so i apologized to them for my hurting them (with truth ?), and they accepted my apology and we are on good -if superficial- terms again...
they can't take talking about LOTS of things which upset them too deeply (uh, which might be a sign right there, sisters), but if that is how they have to deal with it, then that's how i have to deal with them...
i strive to stay on the Beauty Path even if they do not...
it hurts, but ultimately beyond my powers...
8^)
It is a sad, sad reality. I'm an introvert and see the danger of fully embracing my "alone time" too eagerly in a world that is now heavily tilted against regular social engagement. The risks of real loneliness, even for those who generally enjoy a quiet life, are much higher now. As with most issues that plague us, the spiritual demise of our culture, with its increasingly impoverished values, is at the center. I enjoy your articles--they express the reality of our human experience (both good and bad) in a broken world.
Thanks, RT!