Feb 23, 2023·edited Feb 23, 2023Liked by Donald Jeffries
As a teacher of foreign language at the high school level for many years who had students for up to four years straight, I have been forced to witness this sad transformation in our society. Dating barely exists anymore and it’s form and function are warped beyond recognition. Few young people have any understanding of normal dating– as it was intended to be originally. Even if they do have an understanding of what dating is and what it’s supposed to accomplish, they cannot find a like-minded person to date. The young men, particularly white men, are lost when it comes to dating and socialization. So many of them do not have fathers at home to teach them by word or example how to court young ladies. They do not have fathers at home who encourage them with the old familiar saying that there are “other fish in the sea” when they are rejected by a certain young woman and that this is part of a normal elimination process that one goes through to find a willing mate. They, therefore, do not have the confidence and bearing to initiate dating and they do not have the intact self-esteem that they need when their advances are rejected and they are left to deal with disappointment. So we see that having a dad at home is a very important factor in successful dating for our young men. The sad part is that he is often, very often, not there.
I began teaching in the 80s when things were normal but through the years I began to see that male and female relationships were now mutated and weird which coincided with two things. The first, as I mentioned, was the increasing absence of the father from the home and the second was the hypersexualization of courtship. Rather than being based on enjoying conversation and getting to know the personality of the other person, the dating relationship began to be about pure sexual attraction and initiating sexual relations before people even really knew one another. This meant, of course, that the physically attractive began to be more valued and those who were less attractive were cast aside. After all, sexual fantasies are not built on having sex with unattractive people. It seems everyone wants a Brad Pitt or a Tom Cruise.
When young women have a father at home, they begin to look for someone very much like him. I had a student once who told me that she wanted to marry a balding man because she loved her father and thought he looked adorable that way! Average dads at home mean that average guys have a chance.
If you could see the hopelessness that young men and women feel today, you would feel the same heaviness and sorrow that I do. None of this is their fault. It has been done to them by their parents’ and grandparents’ generations that slowly but surely carved out a truly weird existence for them.
Allow me to add that the term “incel” absolutely infuriates and horrifies me. The term is spoken with such scorn about those who have been captured and driven to despair by a world that has been created for them! These despairing young people who cannot find a mate now must also live their lives knowing that the so-called experts have put them into this very sad category with its own special label. If it were up to me, this word would be stricken from all texts and never be used again. My heart truly hurts for these young people.
I love this article. This is a problem I’ve been dealing with my whole life (27) I think, (or at least since 6th grade) I’m saving this to read again.
I decided shortly after you released this article to join a church and attend an orthodox and a nondenominational as you mentioned. My goal is to learn more about the Bible and Christianity and to make some friendships I hope. I’ve met a awesome family with a 7th kid on the way. Love them so much. 😅
I know everyone feels this loneliness - men and woman - so i want to make it a goal to try and create friendships with both. With women it’s pretty hard because anytime you try and make eye contact with a girl or woman or even converse there’s the sense they “need to get away he just wants sex.”
Jul 13, 2023·edited Jan 29Liked by Donald Jeffries
Pascal said that we all die alone. We often live alone too. A lot of loneliness is simply part of the human condition. We can be lonely in the midst of a crowd or within our own families.
Since my husband was murdered by Covid Protocol I am all alone except for my dog. My friends are dead and I only have “1 way” acquaintances, I call them but they don’t ever call or visit me. My son who lives 3 miles away calls me, if I’m lucky, once every 6 weeks and never visits. My grandkids who live 2-4 miles away never visit and only I texts me Hello every 6-8 weeks which is more than anyone else. I’m never invited to their homes except when they want me to bring presents for the great grand kids birthdays. It was the same way before my husband died. He used to say we’d be fossilized remains before we were discovered dead. It’s a lonely life and a sad state our country is in. I’ll be glad when I’m dead.
DJ: I've been alone most of my life. I guess I've gotten used to it. Alexander Selkirk (the original Robinson Crusoe) said that the two plus years he spent alone on that island off of the coast of Chile were the best years of his life.
Family is drama. I avoid family nowadays which is easy to do as all of them live over 1,000 miles away.
Don't get me wrong. I used to love a pint with family and friends in the old days. But those days are gone. The Covid Cult Con Crap killed all of that.
And forget air travel nowadays. Fuck the TSA!
I have my wife but that's it. We rattle around the house together. When one of us goes the other will follow.
A lovely and sobering analysis. Yes, for all the hoopla about everyone having fun that the media portrays, loneliness and its concomitant companion, depression, are the hallmarks of our age. I live in Switzerland and things are pretty similar, especially as the proportion of our population that is old is probably growing faster than in the US. We recently looked after my wife's father until he died. I was horrified at people's reactions when we kept him as long as possible in his own apartment and spent a massive amount of time with him to keep loneliness at bay. For most people around us, this was insanity and masochism. Much better to dump him in an old folks' home and be done with it! I wonder if those same people will change their minds when they suddenly find themselves old and alone?
It would be great if churches could start acting like they did when Christianity first began. No social clout or political power. But by caring for the sick, feeding the hungry, and visiting the lonely they turned the world upside down.
"Mostly, lonely women are either incredibly eccentric or mentally ill." That may have been the case up to now, but I can help thinking that many of the awful, blue-haired feminists I see around me are going to be very lonely too in later life.
Just stumbled on your post - thank you. There are a lot of older people who are alone because they have inflicted unimaginable cruelty on their offspring. Said offspring get up and walk away saying 'no more.' The older people can often be found moaning on forums about how their 'children never visit them' without a whiff of self-examination.
I am not talking politics or 'covid differences' here but incredible family brutality where one is forced to get up and walk away to preserve one's life and sanity.
"Polls tell us that 27 percent of Americans aged 60 or older live by themselves, more than anywhere else in the world."
It may not be because of some failure or flaw, but simply because we can afford to. Old people like quiet and enjoy solitude as much as socializing. There's nothing wrong with that.
Hi DJ: I am reading this article again because I think of it every day. All I know for sure is my own situation:
My girlfriend got pregnant. Mom said I had to marry her or be ostracized from the family. So I married her and moved to Puget Sound. All alone out there in the great inflation/depression of the seventies and 1980-82.
Two little kids. Wife left me for richer man. Child support for me. See the 6 and three year old four days a month and until they become 18 years old.
Thought of leaving the country for Australia. I had a job lined up.
But stayed and Elephant Faithful.
My first wife, the kids' mom, died six years ago after divorcing her second husband.
Haven't talked to my daughter in 7 years. My son and I get along but he's a nut.
I'd rather just live with my second wife and forget family. It didn't work out well.
And, BTW, I quit talking to my Mom, too. She won't quit telling me what to do. I'm 71 and she's 91. My Dad is dead. He's the Man who kept it all together. But Dad is gone.
All the women in my family are spoiled brats who are always telling us guys what to do. Drives me nuts! Hell, loneliness is better than that.
Maybe Gloria Steinem and her damned feminism destroyed it all. Maybe the Vietnam War (It's always about Vietnam). Maybe LBJ and the CIA killing JFK. Maybe Nixon and Kissinger.
Maybe all I know is that my life looks like a waste of time to me now.
Just seeing this for the first time! I’ve taken to calling nursing homes ‘storage units for old people’.
How we treat people in general, and the elderly especially makes me so angry. A blessing I have just received is to be able to take communion to one of our home bound.
DJ: As I've written you before. Be careful talking about families. Too many variables. In my case the family kicked me out. Last time I called my 91 year-old-mom she hung up on me.
Families are like little governments. Someone in the family is always telling another family member what to do.
"Sure, there are a lot of older people who have accumulated years, but learned very little."
And I think of the Steve Martin flick -"Lonely Guy(s)", and would seem to see the dilemma in dim light- our designed downfall, programmed into us deceitfully, aided by Hollywood black magic, and nazi-era psychologists...
It is difficult to maneuver this divide delicately, as many have had ground into them this idea of respecting ones elders - irregardless of whether or not their countenance is deserving of such respect (like demanding one respect the aging Hitler, or John Wayne Gacy...)
There has been such a break in the flow of right, good, sane thought, that most have arrived at such a destination begged by this seemingly universal lapse, though I think to call it an illusion, of sorts, a very pernicious illusion.
A shared mass-induced hallucination, perhaps? Prolonged by the will of the masses to be directed like robotic chess pieces...? How to muster within ourselves the courage required to face these crooks and devil's?
I find my solace while dwelling on and within matters of worth, such as these we discuss here, in hopes to break free of the remaining, clinging filth that I observe has been heaped upon one and all- rich and poor, male and female, young and old, though some still may be in possession of knowledge that helps to clarify, or alleviate much of this garbage that is designed to clutter and detract from our fruitful lives' potential.
I try to encourage others, but meet with limited success, I detect, so most often I spend this energy upon my own worthy Self, in order to be prepared as best as I might, and with the idea of sharing forth without saying "I told you so", come the rotten days dead ahead.
As a teacher of foreign language at the high school level for many years who had students for up to four years straight, I have been forced to witness this sad transformation in our society. Dating barely exists anymore and it’s form and function are warped beyond recognition. Few young people have any understanding of normal dating– as it was intended to be originally. Even if they do have an understanding of what dating is and what it’s supposed to accomplish, they cannot find a like-minded person to date. The young men, particularly white men, are lost when it comes to dating and socialization. So many of them do not have fathers at home to teach them by word or example how to court young ladies. They do not have fathers at home who encourage them with the old familiar saying that there are “other fish in the sea” when they are rejected by a certain young woman and that this is part of a normal elimination process that one goes through to find a willing mate. They, therefore, do not have the confidence and bearing to initiate dating and they do not have the intact self-esteem that they need when their advances are rejected and they are left to deal with disappointment. So we see that having a dad at home is a very important factor in successful dating for our young men. The sad part is that he is often, very often, not there.
I began teaching in the 80s when things were normal but through the years I began to see that male and female relationships were now mutated and weird which coincided with two things. The first, as I mentioned, was the increasing absence of the father from the home and the second was the hypersexualization of courtship. Rather than being based on enjoying conversation and getting to know the personality of the other person, the dating relationship began to be about pure sexual attraction and initiating sexual relations before people even really knew one another. This meant, of course, that the physically attractive began to be more valued and those who were less attractive were cast aside. After all, sexual fantasies are not built on having sex with unattractive people. It seems everyone wants a Brad Pitt or a Tom Cruise.
When young women have a father at home, they begin to look for someone very much like him. I had a student once who told me that she wanted to marry a balding man because she loved her father and thought he looked adorable that way! Average dads at home mean that average guys have a chance.
If you could see the hopelessness that young men and women feel today, you would feel the same heaviness and sorrow that I do. None of this is their fault. It has been done to them by their parents’ and grandparents’ generations that slowly but surely carved out a truly weird existence for them.
Allow me to add that the term “incel” absolutely infuriates and horrifies me. The term is spoken with such scorn about those who have been captured and driven to despair by a world that has been created for them! These despairing young people who cannot find a mate now must also live their lives knowing that the so-called experts have put them into this very sad category with its own special label. If it were up to me, this word would be stricken from all texts and never be used again. My heart truly hurts for these young people.
The love of many will grow cold as wickedness abounds.
Our interesting times is how I got here.
I love this article. This is a problem I’ve been dealing with my whole life (27) I think, (or at least since 6th grade) I’m saving this to read again.
I decided shortly after you released this article to join a church and attend an orthodox and a nondenominational as you mentioned. My goal is to learn more about the Bible and Christianity and to make some friendships I hope. I’ve met a awesome family with a 7th kid on the way. Love them so much. 😅
I know everyone feels this loneliness - men and woman - so i want to make it a goal to try and create friendships with both. With women it’s pretty hard because anytime you try and make eye contact with a girl or woman or even converse there’s the sense they “need to get away he just wants sex.”
Pascal said that we all die alone. We often live alone too. A lot of loneliness is simply part of the human condition. We can be lonely in the midst of a crowd or within our own families.
As always insightful and thought provoking! Thank you
Since my husband was murdered by Covid Protocol I am all alone except for my dog. My friends are dead and I only have “1 way” acquaintances, I call them but they don’t ever call or visit me. My son who lives 3 miles away calls me, if I’m lucky, once every 6 weeks and never visits. My grandkids who live 2-4 miles away never visit and only I texts me Hello every 6-8 weeks which is more than anyone else. I’m never invited to their homes except when they want me to bring presents for the great grand kids birthdays. It was the same way before my husband died. He used to say we’d be fossilized remains before we were discovered dead. It’s a lonely life and a sad state our country is in. I’ll be glad when I’m dead.
DJ: I've been alone most of my life. I guess I've gotten used to it. Alexander Selkirk (the original Robinson Crusoe) said that the two plus years he spent alone on that island off of the coast of Chile were the best years of his life.
Family is drama. I avoid family nowadays which is easy to do as all of them live over 1,000 miles away.
Don't get me wrong. I used to love a pint with family and friends in the old days. But those days are gone. The Covid Cult Con Crap killed all of that.
And forget air travel nowadays. Fuck the TSA!
I have my wife but that's it. We rattle around the house together. When one of us goes the other will follow.
No regrets.
A lovely and sobering analysis. Yes, for all the hoopla about everyone having fun that the media portrays, loneliness and its concomitant companion, depression, are the hallmarks of our age. I live in Switzerland and things are pretty similar, especially as the proportion of our population that is old is probably growing faster than in the US. We recently looked after my wife's father until he died. I was horrified at people's reactions when we kept him as long as possible in his own apartment and spent a massive amount of time with him to keep loneliness at bay. For most people around us, this was insanity and masochism. Much better to dump him in an old folks' home and be done with it! I wonder if those same people will change their minds when they suddenly find themselves old and alone?
It would be great if churches could start acting like they did when Christianity first began. No social clout or political power. But by caring for the sick, feeding the hungry, and visiting the lonely they turned the world upside down.
"Mostly, lonely women are either incredibly eccentric or mentally ill." That may have been the case up to now, but I can help thinking that many of the awful, blue-haired feminists I see around me are going to be very lonely too in later life.
Just stumbled on your post - thank you. There are a lot of older people who are alone because they have inflicted unimaginable cruelty on their offspring. Said offspring get up and walk away saying 'no more.' The older people can often be found moaning on forums about how their 'children never visit them' without a whiff of self-examination.
I am not talking politics or 'covid differences' here but incredible family brutality where one is forced to get up and walk away to preserve one's life and sanity.
Not every 'sweet old person alone' is a saint.
"Polls tell us that 27 percent of Americans aged 60 or older live by themselves, more than anywhere else in the world."
It may not be because of some failure or flaw, but simply because we can afford to. Old people like quiet and enjoy solitude as much as socializing. There's nothing wrong with that.
Hi DJ: I am reading this article again because I think of it every day. All I know for sure is my own situation:
My girlfriend got pregnant. Mom said I had to marry her or be ostracized from the family. So I married her and moved to Puget Sound. All alone out there in the great inflation/depression of the seventies and 1980-82.
Two little kids. Wife left me for richer man. Child support for me. See the 6 and three year old four days a month and until they become 18 years old.
Thought of leaving the country for Australia. I had a job lined up.
But stayed and Elephant Faithful.
My first wife, the kids' mom, died six years ago after divorcing her second husband.
Haven't talked to my daughter in 7 years. My son and I get along but he's a nut.
I'd rather just live with my second wife and forget family. It didn't work out well.
And, BTW, I quit talking to my Mom, too. She won't quit telling me what to do. I'm 71 and she's 91. My Dad is dead. He's the Man who kept it all together. But Dad is gone.
All the women in my family are spoiled brats who are always telling us guys what to do. Drives me nuts! Hell, loneliness is better than that.
Maybe Gloria Steinem and her damned feminism destroyed it all. Maybe the Vietnam War (It's always about Vietnam). Maybe LBJ and the CIA killing JFK. Maybe Nixon and Kissinger.
Maybe all I know is that my life looks like a waste of time to me now.
So I hang on one day at a time.
Just seeing this for the first time! I’ve taken to calling nursing homes ‘storage units for old people’.
How we treat people in general, and the elderly especially makes me so angry. A blessing I have just received is to be able to take communion to one of our home bound.
DJ: As I've written you before. Be careful talking about families. Too many variables. In my case the family kicked me out. Last time I called my 91 year-old-mom she hung up on me.
Families are like little governments. Someone in the family is always telling another family member what to do.
"Sure, there are a lot of older people who have accumulated years, but learned very little."
And I think of the Steve Martin flick -"Lonely Guy(s)", and would seem to see the dilemma in dim light- our designed downfall, programmed into us deceitfully, aided by Hollywood black magic, and nazi-era psychologists...
It is difficult to maneuver this divide delicately, as many have had ground into them this idea of respecting ones elders - irregardless of whether or not their countenance is deserving of such respect (like demanding one respect the aging Hitler, or John Wayne Gacy...)
There has been such a break in the flow of right, good, sane thought, that most have arrived at such a destination begged by this seemingly universal lapse, though I think to call it an illusion, of sorts, a very pernicious illusion.
A shared mass-induced hallucination, perhaps? Prolonged by the will of the masses to be directed like robotic chess pieces...? How to muster within ourselves the courage required to face these crooks and devil's?
I find my solace while dwelling on and within matters of worth, such as these we discuss here, in hopes to break free of the remaining, clinging filth that I observe has been heaped upon one and all- rich and poor, male and female, young and old, though some still may be in possession of knowledge that helps to clarify, or alleviate much of this garbage that is designed to clutter and detract from our fruitful lives' potential.
I try to encourage others, but meet with limited success, I detect, so most often I spend this energy upon my own worthy Self, in order to be prepared as best as I might, and with the idea of sharing forth without saying "I told you so", come the rotten days dead ahead.
Interesting article, and thanks!